In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
