Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
