so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
