Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
