Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
