fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had to cum in my sink.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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