he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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