Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
