I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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