Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
