Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize