I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
