Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
