We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
