She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
