Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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