Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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