I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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