I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
