I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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