Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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