The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
