is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
