What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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