Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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