My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
