My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
