I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ugly people sure do ruin things
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
