She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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