So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When are your genitals available?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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