Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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