So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
