Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
