u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
