i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
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you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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