peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
