I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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