i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
