I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
