Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
