We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
