I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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