just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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