Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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