don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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