capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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