Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
