We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
