What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
