I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
