And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
