i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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