I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
