Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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