I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
