you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
