we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
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Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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