That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
