i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
