I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
