Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
