If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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