Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
