Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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