We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
