I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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