My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
