Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
