He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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