Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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