I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
