I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
